断脚狼 发表于 2015-1-11 10:13:00

<p align="center"><font size="5" face="Verdana"><strong>神与人</strong></font></p>
<p align="center"><font size="4"></font>&nbsp;</p>
<p align="center"><font size="4" face="Verdana">摩西家的神<br/>可以给埃及带来瘟疫<br/>可以分开红海的波涛<br/>让以色列人逃走<br/>却把埃及的大军统统淹死<br/>可以指引以色列人<br/>走向流淌着牛奶和蜜的迦南美地<br/>以色列人当然得信仰他<br/>后来,耶稣和他的使徒们<br/>想让全世界都信他</font></p>
<p align="center"><font size="4"></font>&nbsp;</p>
<p align="center"><font size="4" face="Verdana">马洪德家的神<br/>可以帮着阿拉伯人<br/>抢夺土地和牛羊<br/>还可以让一个男人<br/>堂而皇之地拥有四个老婆<br/>阿拉伯人当然得信仰他<br/>全世界的莫斯林都是兄弟<br/>哪个毛贼敢来惹他们</font></p>
<p align="center"><font size="4"></font>&nbsp;</p>
<p align="center"><font size="4" face="Verdana">于是,那个名叫耶路撒冷的地方<br/>便有了千年不散的血腥</font></p>
<p align="center"><font size="4"></font>&nbsp;</p>
<p align="center"><font size="4" face="Verdana">乔达摩家的神<br/>让你割肉喂鹰,舍身饲虎<br/>钱财都是身外之物<br/>让你别跟人争抢<br/>美人不过是一堆枯骨<br/>让你不要贪念红尘<br/>印度人都不肯信他<br/>神只好逃到中国<br/>中国的皇帝一看<br/>这神太可爱了<br/>要是天下人都信他<br/>就没人跟我争夺江山了<br/>就没人对我的后宫佳丽<br/>动什么歪心思了</font></p>
<p align="center"><font size="4"></font>&nbsp;</p>
<p align="center"><font size="4" face="Verdana">于是,神终于有了寺庙<br/>遮风挡雨<br/>逢年过节还可以闻闻香火<br/>啃几块冷猪肉<br/>于是,受苦的人信他<br/>反正享福也是空<br/>这辈子积德行善<br/>没准下辈子就不受苦了<br/>于是,享福的人假装信他<br/>花点银子奢求保佑<br/>骗骗别人也骗骗自己</font></p><font face="Verdana">
<p align="center"><br/><font size="4">如此可爱的神<br/>要是大家都信他<br/>这世界该多么美好</font></p>
<p align="center"><font size="4"></font></font>&nbsp;</p>
<p align="center"><font size="4" face="Verdana">其实,很多人都明白<br/>在这冷酷的世界里<br/>乔达摩家的神<br/>只是个没用的书呆子<br/>每个人都希望别人信他<br/>自己私下里根本不信<br/>(真正信仰他的人们<br/>都生活在高海拔的苦寒之地<br/>而不是流淌着牛奶和蜜的好地方)<br/>于是,当莫斯林的长刀呼啸着劈砍<br/>人们便抱头鼠窜<br/>哪有什么以身饲虎的人</font></p>
<p align="center">&nbsp;</p><br/>
[此贴子已经被作者于2015-1-11 10:14:48编辑过]

菊花毒 发表于 2015-1-11 11:02:00

写得真好!是我看到你的最好的一首诗,当然我不是每首都读过。但是我看到的现代诗歌中一流的作品,什么戴望舒北岛之流也不过如此。让人心生艳羡,不得不出来膜拜一下,我太喜欢这首诗了。

小倩 发表于 2015-1-11 13:16:00

<span style="font-size: large;">这首诗的确不错,其中不乏深厚学养更有思考,结构也很好。</span><div><span style="font-size: large;"><br/></span></div><div><span style="font-size: large;"><br/></span><div><span style="font-size: large;"><br/></span></div><div><span style="font-size: large;">另,梅,妞说“拍打我们以偷师”,我们也可把他作为一面镜子似的诤友求进步的,是不是呢。妞的底线原则没有错,人格平等方为友,无论友情爱情皆应如此。</span></div></div>

菊花毒 发表于 2015-1-11 17:33:00

呵,小倩,我的茶壶里可真没饺子,任人拍打两下就有货了。惭愧,惭愧,原本一早就看见妞的英雄帖,准备摆个默雷止谤的姿势,让这个无事忙好好受受敲门都不应,倚杖听江声的尴尬落魄,没想到你们一个个的这么有情有义!女人呀,就是心软;唉,女人,你的名字叫脆弱。不过,我现在对砖文确实提不起兴趣了,那种小孩子家家靠幻觉和虚荣心扮演皇帝和公主的岁月已然如烟。春华秋实、东升西落,这些年论坛上花开花谢,就这么几个朽木不雕的光杆司令了,版图尽有,自己的一亩三分地都无人耕种,哪里走得到楚河汉界,哪里又是大漠渭水呢?

菊花毒 发表于 2015-1-11 18:40:00

<p>段狼,你误放在我的帖子里对我的批评甚好,多谢。在论坛上确实不宜家长里短的,要写也应该把个人经历敛繁就简写成文学作品供人欣赏。若开主帖,这话我是十分赞同的。你的诗歌也好文章也吧,无不是先定格局,运思裁剪起承转合有条不紊。令我十分敬重!唯一小缺憾,你不会聊天。论坛论坛嘛,有正经危坐的文论,也当有倚门回首嗅青梅的小插叙,这才是会客之道。就拿你在七八里的有关领导和妈掉水里先救谁的问题,主贴很好,我原以为回帖会更热闹非凡群情激昂,谁知道你们几个老男人我一二三,你一二三,不知道的还以为你们在打麻将呢!如果是聊天的感觉就不会非此即彼了,闲谈之外才能有弦外之思,我以为这也是论坛应有之意啊。</p>
<p>关于你的诗歌,我还想啰嗦几句。但这个我有点犹豫,你是行家里手,我是槛外不知天高地厚的小学生,说的不对的地方请你多包涵啊。这首诗歌好,浑然天成,抓住了人们普遍信仰困惑以及匮乏的情思,甚至还高度契合了当下论坛的脉搏,我觉得应该是很多人看了感觉脸红心跳的好诗,而且在意象选择结构上也多少都表达了你的文字经验和人格学问。文辞紧切题意,文质彬彬,放眼当下,我甚至觉得戴望舒北岛也不过如此了。我反复的看了看,甚至拿出褚广建、秦希等人有关诗的实质与形式的讨论,以期对你的诗歌挑出一点有价值的问题,也不枉费你老是“故作”(也许你不是故作,可我每次都压力山大)谦虚的向我讨教。</p>
<p>我欣赏诗比较感性,往往见到好诗只做一点情趣的回流交感,气之动物、物之感人、心旌摇荡,与其说是是在赏诗不如说是感受美景体验意境,神思一过也就搁下了。所以少训练,根本不懂剖析。你这首诗歌只怕仍然是少了一点音律美,以前我老提这个,但又对纯诗派拔高诗歌音乐性的观点(他们认为诗的最高理想在逼近音乐,以声音直接暗示情趣和意象)不能完全认同,曾经也尝试过很失败,不知道问题出在哪里。褚广建有关文字和语言的辨析似乎让我有点开窍了。古人的文字就是他们习惯的语言(不一定是日常的),我最喜欢的诗是汉文人诗古诗十九首,比如青青陵上柏,磊磊涧中石。人生天地间,忽如远行客。斗酒相娱乐,聊厚不为薄。驱车策驽马,游戏宛与洛。洛中何郁郁,冠带自相索。长衢罗夹巷,王侯多第宅。两宫遥相望,双阙百馀尺。极宴娱心意,戚戚何所迫?这首诗在古诗十九首中音乐感是最不明显的,但两千多年后的我还是能感觉到那种很自然的声情萌动。褚广建认为情感、思想、语言是平行的,一致的。我觉得你这首诗情感思想和你自己的气质语言也是一致的,但是你的,作为一个诗人的气质语言还没有尽善尽美,而另外最大的问题可能就是与外界可能有一种自我分裂和脱离感。我手边正好有戴望舒的一首我的记忆,我的记忆是忠实于我的,忠实甚于我最好的友人。它生存在燃着的烟卷上,它生存在绘着百合花的笔杆上。。。。我们不谈他这首诗歌的思想情感高下,只从他的语言中感觉,他的诗即便不是唱给人听也是说给人听的,他的灵魂是有声音的,而且是假想的读者听得到的声音,徐志摩是唱给情人听的,海子是唱给原野听的,而你的诗歌好像打定了主意举世皆浊我独醒,既不唱给情人听,也不唱给知己听,只在自己内心里默默有乐感,而作为读者的我看到的有佩服却也有时候是有隔膜的。我说的不好,请你看看褚广建等人的论诗的实质与形式(也许你早看过了),一定会有很不一样的启发吧。</p>
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菊花毒 发表于 2015-1-11 18:47:00

<p>下面转一首华兹华斯的分享,为了说明古今中外的诗歌宗旨都一样,我把英文版的也摘录,感受它的韵律ABAB BABA ABAB BABA.....其实啊,我觉得吧,中国的白话文运动过去了,但中国的白话诗运动才刚刚开始呢。断狼,我是对你抱着很高的期望的。贻笑大方了,祝新年快乐!</p>
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<p><a name="_Toc327718575"><strong><span style="FONT-FAMILY: 仿宋_GB2312; COLOR: black; FONT-SIZE: 10.5pt; mso-bidi-font-family: 宋体">致布谷鸟</span></span></strong></a><span style="mso-bookmark: _Toc327718575"></span><span style="FONT-FAMILY: 仿宋_GB2312; COLOR: black; FONT-SIZE: 10.5pt" lang="EN-US"><?xml:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" /><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p style="tab-stops: 137.0pt"><span style="COLOR: black; FONT-SIZE: 10.5pt; mso-fareast-font-family: 仿宋_GB2312" lang="EN-US">&nbsp;<wbr></span><span style="FONT-FAMILY: 仿宋_GB2312; COLOR: black; FONT-SIZE: 10.5pt" lang="EN-US"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p style="tab-stops: 137.0pt"><span XML:LANG="ZH-CN"><a name="_Toc327718566"><span XML:LANG="ZH-CN"><span style="FONT-FAMILY: 仿宋_GB2312; COLOR: black; FONT-SIZE: 10.5pt; mso-hansi-font-family: 'Times New="New"Roman'">威廉姆</span></span></a><span style="mso-bookmark: _Toc327718566"><span style="FONT-FAMILY: 仿宋_GB2312; COLOR: black; FONT-SIZE: 10.5pt; mso-hansi-font-family: 'Times New="New"Roman'; mso-ascii-font-family: 'Times New="New"Roman'">?</span></span><span style="mso-bookmark: _Toc327718566"><span XML:LANG="ZH-CN"><span style="FONT-FAMILY: 仿宋_GB2312; COLOR: black; FONT-SIZE: 10.5pt; mso-hansi-font-family: 'Times New="New"Roman'">华兹华斯</span><span lang="EN-US"> (William Wordsworth, 1770-1850),</span></span></span><span style="FONT-FAMILY: 仿宋_GB2312; COLOR: black; FONT-SIZE: 10.5pt; mso-hansi-font-family: 'Times New="New"Roman'" lang="EN-US"> <span XML:LANG="ZH-CN"></span><span style="FONT-FAMILY: 仿宋_GB2312; COLOR: black; FONT-SIZE: 10.5pt; mso-bidi-font-family: 'Times New="New"Roman'; mso-hansi-font-family: 'Times New="New"Roman'">英国诗人。</span></span></span><span style="FONT-FAMILY: 仿宋_GB2312; COLOR: black; FONT-SIZE: 10.5pt" lang="EN-US"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p style="tab-stops: 137.0pt"><span style="COLOR: black; FONT-SIZE: 10.5pt; mso-fareast-font-family: 仿宋_GB2312" lang="EN-US">&nbsp;</span><wbr><span style="FONT-FAMILY: 仿宋_GB2312; COLOR: black; FONT-SIZE: 10.5pt" lang="EN-US"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p style="tab-stops: 137.0pt"><span XML:LANG="ZH-CN"><span style="FONT-FAMILY: 仿宋_GB2312; COLOR: black; FONT-SIZE: 10.5pt; mso-hansi-font-family: 'Times New="New"Roman'">哦,欢乐的新客,我听到,</span></span><span style="FONT-FAMILY: 仿宋_GB2312; COLOR: black; FONT-SIZE: 10.5pt" lang="EN-US"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p style="tab-stops: 137.0pt"><span XML:LANG="ZH-CN"><span style="FONT-FAMILY: 仿宋_GB2312; COLOR: black; FONT-SIZE: 10.5pt; mso-hansi-font-family: 'Times New="New"Roman'">听见了你,我真开心,</span></span><span style="FONT-FAMILY: 仿宋_GB2312; COLOR: black; FONT-SIZE: 10.5pt" lang="EN-US"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p style="tab-stops: 137.0pt"><span XML:LANG="ZH-CN"><span style="FONT-FAMILY: 仿宋_GB2312; COLOR: black; FONT-SIZE: 10.5pt; mso-hansi-font-family: 'Times New="New"Roman'">哦,布谷,我应称你是小鸟,</span></span><span style="FONT-FAMILY: 仿宋_GB2312; COLOR: black; FONT-SIZE: 10.5pt" lang="EN-US"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p style="tab-stops: 137.0pt"><span XML:LANG="ZH-CN"><span style="FONT-FAMILY: 仿宋_GB2312; COLOR: black; FONT-SIZE: 10.5pt; mso-hansi-font-family: 'Times New="New"Roman'">还是漫行的天音。</span></span><span style="FONT-FAMILY: 仿宋_GB2312; COLOR: black; FONT-SIZE: 10.5pt" lang="EN-US"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p style="tab-stops: 137.0pt"><span style="COLOR: black; FONT-SIZE: 10.5pt; mso-fareast-font-family: 仿宋_GB2312" lang="EN-US">&nbsp;<wbr></span><span style="FONT-FAMILY: 仿宋_GB2312; COLOR: black; FONT-SIZE: 10.5pt" lang="EN-US"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p style="tab-stops: 137.0pt"><span XML:LANG="ZH-CN"><span style="FONT-FAMILY: 仿宋_GB2312; COLOR: black; FONT-SIZE: 10.5pt; mso-hansi-font-family: 'Times New="New"Roman'">听着你的双重啼鸣,</span></span><span style="FONT-FAMILY: 仿宋_GB2312; COLOR: black; FONT-SIZE: 10.5pt" lang="EN-US"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p style="tab-stops: 137.0pt"><span XML:LANG="ZH-CN"><span style="FONT-FAMILY: 仿宋_GB2312; COLOR: black; FONT-SIZE: 10.5pt; mso-hansi-font-family: 'Times New="New"Roman'">就当我躺进一片芳草,</span></span><span style="FONT-FAMILY: 仿宋_GB2312; COLOR: black; FONT-SIZE: 10.5pt" lang="EN-US"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p style="tab-stops: 137.0pt"><span XML:LANG="ZH-CN"><span style="FONT-FAMILY: 仿宋_GB2312; COLOR: black; FONT-SIZE: 10.5pt; mso-hansi-font-family: 'Times New="New"Roman'">一声远来一声近,</span></span><span style="FONT-FAMILY: 仿宋_GB2312; COLOR: black; FONT-SIZE: 10.5pt" lang="EN-US"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p style="tab-stops: 137.0pt"><span XML:LANG="ZH-CN"><span style="FONT-FAMILY: 仿宋_GB2312; COLOR: black; FONT-SIZE: 10.5pt; mso-hansi-font-family: 'Times New="New"Roman'">仿佛在丘陵间轻摇。</span></span><span style="FONT-FAMILY: 仿宋_GB2312; COLOR: black; FONT-SIZE: 10.5pt" lang="EN-US"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p style="tab-stops: 137.0pt"><span style="COLOR: black; FONT-SIZE: 10.5pt; mso-fareast-font-family: 仿宋_GB2312" lang="EN-US">&nbsp;<wbr></span><span style="FONT-FAMILY: 仿宋_GB2312; COLOR: black; FONT-SIZE: 10.5pt" lang="EN-US"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p style="tab-stops: 137.0pt"><span XML:LANG="ZH-CN"><span style="FONT-FAMILY: 仿宋_GB2312; COLOR: black; FONT-SIZE: 10.5pt; mso-hansi-font-family: 'Times New="New"Roman'">你的心声只让山谷知晓,</span></span><span style="FONT-FAMILY: 仿宋_GB2312; COLOR: black; FONT-SIZE: 10.5pt" lang="EN-US"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p style="tab-stops: 137.0pt"><span XML:LANG="ZH-CN"><span style="FONT-FAMILY: 仿宋_GB2312; COLOR: black; FONT-SIZE: 10.5pt; mso-hansi-font-family: 'Times New="New"Roman'">阳光灿烂,鲜花香馨,</span></span><span style="FONT-FAMILY: 仿宋_GB2312; COLOR: black; FONT-SIZE: 10.5pt" lang="EN-US"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p style="tab-stops: 137.0pt"><span XML:LANG="ZH-CN"><span style="FONT-FAMILY: 仿宋_GB2312; COLOR: black; FONT-SIZE: 10.5pt; mso-hansi-font-family: 'Times New="New"Roman'">是你带来这般神奇美妙,</span></span><span style="FONT-FAMILY: 仿宋_GB2312; COLOR: black; FONT-SIZE: 10.5pt" lang="EN-US"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p style="tab-stops: 137.0pt"><span XML:LANG="ZH-CN"><span style="FONT-FAMILY: 仿宋_GB2312; COLOR: black; FONT-SIZE: 10.5pt; mso-hansi-font-family: 'Times New="New"Roman'">童话中的仙境。</span></span><span style="FONT-FAMILY: 仿宋_GB2312; COLOR: black; FONT-SIZE: 10.5pt" lang="EN-US"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p style="tab-stops: 137.0pt"><span style="COLOR: black; FONT-SIZE: 10.5pt; mso-fareast-font-family: 仿宋_GB2312" lang="EN-US">&nbsp;<wbr></span><span style="FONT-FAMILY: 仿宋_GB2312; COLOR: black; FONT-SIZE: 10.5pt" lang="EN-US"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p style="tab-stops: 137.0pt"><span XML:LANG="ZH-CN"><span style="FONT-FAMILY: 仿宋_GB2312; COLOR: black; FONT-SIZE: 10.5pt; mso-hansi-font-family: 'Times New="New"Roman'">春天的宠儿,由衷地欢迎,</span></span><span style="FONT-FAMILY: 仿宋_GB2312; COLOR: black; FONT-SIZE: 10.5pt" lang="EN-US"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p style="tab-stops: 137.0pt"><span XML:LANG="ZH-CN"><span style="FONT-FAMILY: 仿宋_GB2312; COLOR: black; FONT-SIZE: 10.5pt; mso-hansi-font-family: 'Times New="New"Roman'">尽管你对我不是只小鸟,</span></span><span style="FONT-FAMILY: 仿宋_GB2312; COLOR: black; FONT-SIZE: 10.5pt" lang="EN-US"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p style="tab-stops: 137.0pt"><span XML:LANG="ZH-CN"><span style="FONT-FAMILY: 仿宋_GB2312; COLOR: black; FONT-SIZE: 10.5pt; mso-hansi-font-family: 'Times New="New"Roman'">是一个无形的精灵,</span></span><span style="FONT-FAMILY: 仿宋_GB2312; COLOR: black; FONT-SIZE: 10.5pt" lang="EN-US"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p style="tab-stops: 137.0pt"><span XML:LANG="ZH-CN"><span style="FONT-FAMILY: 仿宋_GB2312; COLOR: black; FONT-SIZE: 10.5pt; mso-hansi-font-family: 'Times New="New"Roman'">一段乐音,一种深奥。</span></span><span style="FONT-FAMILY: 仿宋_GB2312; COLOR: black; FONT-SIZE: 10.5pt" lang="EN-US"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p style="tab-stops: 137.0pt"><span style="COLOR: black; FONT-SIZE: 10.5pt; mso-fareast-font-family: 仿宋_GB2312" lang="EN-US">&nbsp;<wbr></span><span style="FONT-FAMILY: 仿宋_GB2312; COLOR: black; FONT-SIZE: 10.5pt" lang="EN-US"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p style="tab-stops: 137.0pt"><span XML:LANG="ZH-CN"><span style="FONT-FAMILY: 仿宋_GB2312; COLOR: black; FONT-SIZE: 10.5pt; mso-hansi-font-family: 'Times New="New"Roman'">这同样的高声欢叫,</span></span><span style="FONT-FAMILY: 仿宋_GB2312; COLOR: black; FONT-SIZE: 10.5pt" lang="EN-US"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p style="tab-stops: 137.0pt"><span XML:LANG="ZH-CN"><span style="FONT-FAMILY: 仿宋_GB2312; COLOR: black; FONT-SIZE: 10.5pt; mso-hansi-font-family: 'Times New="New"Roman'">在学童时代也曾聆听,</span></span><span style="FONT-FAMILY: 仿宋_GB2312; COLOR: black; FONT-SIZE: 10.5pt" lang="EN-US"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p style="tab-stops: 137.0pt"><span XML:LANG="ZH-CN"><span style="FONT-FAMILY: 仿宋_GB2312; COLOR: black; FONT-SIZE: 10.5pt; mso-hansi-font-family: 'Times New="New"Roman'">它让我千方百计地寻找,</span></span><span style="FONT-FAMILY: 仿宋_GB2312; COLOR: black; FONT-SIZE: 10.5pt" lang="EN-US"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p style="tab-stops: 137.0pt"><span XML:LANG="ZH-CN"><span style="FONT-FAMILY: 仿宋_GB2312; COLOR: black; FONT-SIZE: 10.5pt; mso-hansi-font-family: 'Times New="New"Roman'">天空、树丛、还有灌木林。</span></span><span style="FONT-FAMILY: 仿宋_GB2312; COLOR: black; FONT-SIZE: 10.5pt" lang="EN-US"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p style="tab-stops: 137.0pt"><span style="COLOR: black; FONT-SIZE: 10.5pt; mso-fareast-font-family: 仿宋_GB2312" lang="EN-US">&nbsp;<wbr></span><span style="FONT-FAMILY: 仿宋_GB2312; COLOR: black; FONT-SIZE: 10.5pt" lang="EN-US"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p style="tab-stops: 137.0pt"><span XML:LANG="ZH-CN"><span style="FONT-FAMILY: 仿宋_GB2312; COLOR: black; FONT-SIZE: 10.5pt; mso-hansi-font-family: 'Times New="New"Roman'">穿过了树林,还有草坪,</span></span><span style="FONT-FAMILY: 仿宋_GB2312; COLOR: black; FONT-SIZE: 10.5pt" lang="EN-US"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p style="tab-stops: 137.0pt"><span XML:LANG="ZH-CN"><span style="FONT-FAMILY: 仿宋_GB2312; COLOR: black; FONT-SIZE: 10.5pt; mso-hansi-font-family: 'Times New="New"Roman'">为找你我东奔西跑,</span></span><span style="FONT-FAMILY: 仿宋_GB2312; COLOR: black; FONT-SIZE: 10.5pt" lang="EN-US"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p style="tab-stops: 137.0pt"><span XML:LANG="ZH-CN"><span style="FONT-FAMILY: 仿宋_GB2312; COLOR: black; FONT-SIZE: 10.5pt; mso-hansi-font-family: 'Times New="New"Roman'">你如今依然是我的爱和情,</span></span><span style="FONT-FAMILY: 仿宋_GB2312; COLOR: black; FONT-SIZE: 10.5pt" lang="EN-US"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p style="tab-stops: 137.0pt"><span XML:LANG="ZH-CN"><span style="FONT-FAMILY: 仿宋_GB2312; COLOR: black; FONT-SIZE: 10.5pt; mso-hansi-font-family: 'Times New="New"Roman'">是我的渴望,却从来看不到。</span></span><span style="FONT-FAMILY: 仿宋_GB2312; COLOR: black; FONT-SIZE: 10.5pt" lang="EN-US"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p style="tab-stops: 137.0pt"><span style="COLOR: black; FONT-SIZE: 10.5pt; mso-fareast-font-family: 仿宋_GB2312" lang="EN-US">&nbsp;<wbr></span><span style="FONT-FAMILY: 仿宋_GB2312; COLOR: black; FONT-SIZE: 10.5pt" lang="EN-US"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p style="tab-stops: 137.0pt"><span XML:LANG="ZH-CN"><span style="FONT-FAMILY: 仿宋_GB2312; COLOR: black; FONT-SIZE: 10.5pt; mso-hansi-font-family: 'Times New="New"Roman'">可今天我还能听你的欢笑,</span></span><span style="FONT-FAMILY: 仿宋_GB2312; COLOR: black; FONT-SIZE: 10.5pt" lang="EN-US"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p style="tab-stops: 137.0pt"><span XML:LANG="ZH-CN"><span style="FONT-FAMILY: 仿宋_GB2312; COLOR: black; FONT-SIZE: 10.5pt; mso-hansi-font-family: 'Times New="New"Roman'">能躺在旷野里聆听,</span></span><span style="FONT-FAMILY: 仿宋_GB2312; COLOR: black; FONT-SIZE: 10.5pt" lang="EN-US"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p style="tab-stops: 137.0pt"><span XML:LANG="ZH-CN"><span style="FONT-FAMILY: 仿宋_GB2312; COLOR: black; FONT-SIZE: 10.5pt; mso-hansi-font-family: 'Times New="New"Roman'">那往日金色的风华正茂,</span></span><span style="FONT-FAMILY: 仿宋_GB2312; COLOR: black; FONT-SIZE: 10.5pt" lang="EN-US"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p style="tab-stops: 137.0pt"><span XML:LANG="ZH-CN"><span style="FONT-FAMILY: 仿宋_GB2312; COLOR: black; FONT-SIZE: 10.5pt; mso-hansi-font-family: 'Times New="New"Roman'">再一次牵动了我的心。</span></span><span style="FONT-FAMILY: 仿宋_GB2312; COLOR: black; FONT-SIZE: 10.5pt" lang="EN-US"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p style="tab-stops: 137.0pt"><span style="COLOR: black; FONT-SIZE: 10.5pt; mso-fareast-font-family: 仿宋_GB2312" lang="EN-US">&nbsp;<wbr></span><span style="FONT-FAMILY: 仿宋_GB2312; COLOR: black; FONT-SIZE: 10.5pt" lang="EN-US"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p style="tab-stops: 137.0pt"><span XML:LANG="ZH-CN"><span style="FONT-FAMILY: 仿宋_GB2312; COLOR: black; FONT-SIZE: 10.5pt; mso-hansi-font-family: 'Times New="New"Roman'">哦,被上天赐福的生灵,</span></span><span style="FONT-FAMILY: 仿宋_GB2312; COLOR: black; FONT-SIZE: 10.5pt" lang="EN-US"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p style="tab-stops: 137.0pt"><span XML:LANG="ZH-CN"><span style="FONT-FAMILY: 仿宋_GB2312; COLOR: black; FONT-SIZE: 10.5pt; mso-hansi-font-family: 'Times New="New"Roman'">你让这大地变得虚无缥缈,</span></span><span style="FONT-FAMILY: 仿宋_GB2312; COLOR: black; FONT-SIZE: 10.5pt" lang="EN-US"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p style="tab-stops: 137.0pt"><span XML:LANG="ZH-CN"><span style="FONT-FAMILY: 仿宋_GB2312; COLOR: black; FONT-SIZE: 10.5pt; mso-hansi-font-family: 'Times New="New"Roman'">化作一方美幻的仙境,</span></span><span style="FONT-FAMILY: 仿宋_GB2312; COLOR: black; FONT-SIZE: 10.5pt" lang="EN-US"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p style="tab-stops: 137.0pt"><span XML:LANG="ZH-CN"><span style="FONT-FAMILY: 仿宋_GB2312; COLOR: black; FONT-SIZE: 10.5pt; mso-hansi-font-family: 'Times New="New"Roman'">这个家园就是为你建造!</span></span><span style="FONT-FAMILY: 仿宋_GB2312; COLOR: black; FONT-SIZE: 10.5pt" lang="EN-US"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p style="tab-stops: 137.0pt"><span XML:LANG="EN-GB"><span style="COLOR: black; FONT-SIZE: 10.5pt; mso-fareast-font-family: 仿宋_GB2312; mso-ansi-language: EN-GB" lang="EN-GB">&nbsp;<wbr></span><span style="FONT-FAMILY: 仿宋_GB2312; COLOR: black; FONT-SIZE: 10.5pt" lang="EN-US"></span><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p style="tab-stops: 137.0pt"><span style="COLOR: black; FONT-SIZE: 10.5pt; mso-fareast-font-family: 仿宋_GB2312" lang="EN-US">&nbsp;<wbr></span><span style="FONT-FAMILY: 仿宋_GB2312; COLOR: black; FONT-SIZE: 10.5pt" lang="EN-US"><o:p></o:p></span></p>

菊花毒 发表于 2015-1-11 18:48:00

<p style="tab-stops: 137.0pt"><a name="_Toc327718576"><strong><span style="FONT-FAMILY: 仿宋_GB2312; COLOR: black; FONT-SIZE: 10.5pt; mso-bidi-font-family: 宋体; mso-hansi-font-family: 宋体" lang="EN-US">To the Cuckoo</span></strong></a><span style="mso-bookmark: _Toc327718576"></span><span style="FONT-FAMILY: 仿宋_GB2312; COLOR: black; FONT-SIZE: 10.5pt" lang="EN-US"><?xml:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" /><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p style="tab-stops: 137.0pt"><span style="COLOR: black; FONT-SIZE: 10.5pt; mso-fareast-font-family: 仿宋_GB2312" lang="EN-US">&nbsp;<wbr></span><span style="FONT-FAMILY: 仿宋_GB2312; COLOR: black; FONT-SIZE: 10.5pt" lang="EN-US"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p style="tab-stops: 137.0pt"><span style="FONT-FAMILY: 仿宋_GB2312; COLOR: black; FONT-SIZE: 10.5pt" lang="EN-US">O Blithe new-comer! I have heard,<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p style="tab-stops: 137.0pt"><span style="FONT-FAMILY: 仿宋_GB2312; COLOR: black; FONT-SIZE: 10.5pt" lang="EN-US">I hear thee and rejoice.<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p style="tab-stops: 137.0pt"><span style="FONT-FAMILY: 仿宋_GB2312; COLOR: black; FONT-SIZE: 10.5pt" lang="EN-US">O Cuckoo! shall I call thee Bird,<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p style="tab-stops: 137.0pt"><span style="FONT-FAMILY: 仿宋_GB2312; COLOR: black; FONT-SIZE: 10.5pt" lang="EN-US">Or but a wandering Voice?<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p style="tab-stops: 137.0pt"><span style="FONT-FAMILY: 仿宋_GB2312; COLOR: black; FONT-SIZE: 10.5pt" lang="EN-US"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes">&nbsp;</span><wbr><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p style="tab-stops: 137.0pt"><span style="FONT-FAMILY: 仿宋_GB2312; COLOR: black; FONT-SIZE: 10.5pt" lang="EN-US">While I am lying on the grass</span><span XML:LANG="ZH-CN"><span style="FONT-FAMILY: 仿宋_GB2312; COLOR: black; FONT-SIZE: 10.5pt; mso-hansi-font-family: 'Times New="New"Roman'">,</span></span><span style="FONT-FAMILY: 仿宋_GB2312; COLOR: black; FONT-SIZE: 10.5pt"> </span><span XML:LANG="ZH-CN"><span style="FONT-FAMILY: 仿宋_GB2312; COLOR: black; FONT-SIZE: 10.5pt; mso-hansi-font-family: 'Times New="New"Roman'">,</span></span><span style="FONT-FAMILY: 仿宋_GB2312; COLOR: black; FONT-SIZE: 10.5pt" lang="EN-US"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p style="tab-stops: 137.0pt"><span style="FONT-FAMILY: 仿宋_GB2312; COLOR: black; FONT-SIZE: 10.5pt" lang="EN-US">Thy twofold shout I hear;<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p style="tab-stops: 137.0pt"><span style="FONT-FAMILY: 仿宋_GB2312; COLOR: black; FONT-SIZE: 10.5pt" lang="EN-US">From hill to hill it seems to pass,<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p style="tab-stops: 137.0pt"><span style="FONT-FAMILY: 仿宋_GB2312; COLOR: black; FONT-SIZE: 10.5pt" lang="EN-US">At once far off and near.<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p style="tab-stops: 137.0pt"><span style="FONT-FAMILY: 仿宋_GB2312; COLOR: black; FONT-SIZE: 10.5pt" lang="EN-US"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes">&nbsp;</span><wbr><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p style="tab-stops: 137.0pt"><span style="FONT-FAMILY: 仿宋_GB2312; COLOR: black; FONT-SIZE: 10.5pt" lang="EN-US">Though babbling only to the vale<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p style="tab-stops: 137.0pt"><span style="FONT-FAMILY: 仿宋_GB2312; COLOR: black; FONT-SIZE: 10.5pt" lang="EN-US">Of sunshine and of flowers,<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p style="tab-stops: 137.0pt"><span style="FONT-FAMILY: 仿宋_GB2312; COLOR: black; FONT-SIZE: 10.5pt" lang="EN-US">Thou bringest unto me a tale<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p style="tab-stops: 137.0pt"><span style="FONT-FAMILY: 仿宋_GB2312; COLOR: black; FONT-SIZE: 10.5pt" lang="EN-US">Of visionary hours.<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p style="tab-stops: 137.0pt"><span style="FONT-FAMILY: 仿宋_GB2312; COLOR: black; FONT-SIZE: 10.5pt" lang="EN-US"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes">&nbsp;</span><wbr><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p style="tab-stops: 137.0pt"><span style="FONT-FAMILY: 仿宋_GB2312; COLOR: black; FONT-SIZE: 10.5pt" lang="EN-US">Thrice welcome, darling of the Spring!<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p style="tab-stops: 137.0pt"><span style="FONT-FAMILY: 仿宋_GB2312; COLOR: black; FONT-SIZE: 10.5pt" lang="EN-US">Even yet thou art to me<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p style="tab-stops: 137.0pt"><span style="FONT-FAMILY: 仿宋_GB2312; COLOR: black; FONT-SIZE: 10.5pt" lang="EN-US">No bird, but an invisible thing,<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p style="tab-stops: 137.0pt"><span style="FONT-FAMILY: 仿宋_GB2312; COLOR: black; FONT-SIZE: 10.5pt" lang="EN-US">A voice, a mystery;<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p style="tab-stops: 137.0pt"><span style="FONT-FAMILY: 仿宋_GB2312; COLOR: black; FONT-SIZE: 10.5pt" lang="EN-US"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes">&nbsp;</span><wbr><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p style="tab-stops: 137.0pt"><span style="FONT-FAMILY: 仿宋_GB2312; COLOR: black; FONT-SIZE: 10.5pt" lang="EN-US">The same whom in my schoolboy days<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p style="tab-stops: 137.0pt"><span style="FONT-FAMILY: 仿宋_GB2312; COLOR: black; FONT-SIZE: 10.5pt" lang="EN-US">I listen'd to; that Cry<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p style="tab-stops: 137.0pt"><span style="FONT-FAMILY: 仿宋_GB2312; COLOR: black; FONT-SIZE: 10.5pt" lang="EN-US">Which made me look a thousand ways<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p style="tab-stops: 137.0pt"><span style="FONT-FAMILY: 仿宋_GB2312; COLOR: black; FONT-SIZE: 10.5pt" lang="EN-US">In bush, and tree, and sky.<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p style="tab-stops: 137.0pt"><span style="FONT-FAMILY: 仿宋_GB2312; COLOR: black; FONT-SIZE: 10.5pt" lang="EN-US"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes">&nbsp;</span><wbr><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p style="tab-stops: 137.0pt"><span style="FONT-FAMILY: 仿宋_GB2312; COLOR: black; FONT-SIZE: 10.5pt" lang="EN-US">To seek thee did I often rove<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p style="tab-stops: 137.0pt"><span style="FONT-FAMILY: 仿宋_GB2312; COLOR: black; FONT-SIZE: 10.5pt" lang="EN-US">Through woods and on the green;<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p style="tab-stops: 137.0pt"><span style="FONT-FAMILY: 仿宋_GB2312; COLOR: black; FONT-SIZE: 10.5pt" lang="EN-US">And thou wert still a hope, a love</span><span style="FONT-FAMILY: 仿宋_GB2312; COLOR: black; FONT-SIZE: 10.5pt">—<span lang="EN-US"><o:p></o:p></span></span></p>
<p style="tab-stops: 137.0pt"><span style="FONT-FAMILY: 仿宋_GB2312; COLOR: black; FONT-SIZE: 10.5pt" lang="EN-US">Still long'd for, never seen!<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p style="tab-stops: 137.0pt"><span style="FONT-FAMILY: 仿宋_GB2312; COLOR: black; FONT-SIZE: 10.5pt" lang="EN-US"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes">&nbsp;</span><wbr><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p style="tab-stops: 137.0pt"><span style="FONT-FAMILY: 仿宋_GB2312; COLOR: black; FONT-SIZE: 10.5pt" lang="EN-US">And I can listen to thee yet;<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p style="tab-stops: 137.0pt"><span style="FONT-FAMILY: 仿宋_GB2312; COLOR: black; FONT-SIZE: 10.5pt" lang="EN-US">Can lie upon the plain<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p style="tab-stops: 137.0pt"><span style="FONT-FAMILY: 仿宋_GB2312; COLOR: black; FONT-SIZE: 10.5pt" lang="EN-US">And listen, till I do beget<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p style="tab-stops: 137.0pt"><span style="FONT-FAMILY: 仿宋_GB2312; COLOR: black; FONT-SIZE: 10.5pt" lang="EN-US">That golden time again.<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p style="tab-stops: 137.0pt"><span style="FONT-FAMILY: 仿宋_GB2312; COLOR: black; FONT-SIZE: 10.5pt" lang="EN-US"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes">&nbsp;</span><wbr><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p style="tab-stops: 137.0pt"><span style="FONT-FAMILY: 仿宋_GB2312; COLOR: black; FONT-SIZE: 10.5pt" lang="EN-US">O blessed Bird! the earth we pace<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p style="tab-stops: 137.0pt"><span style="FONT-FAMILY: 仿宋_GB2312; COLOR: black; FONT-SIZE: 10.5pt" lang="EN-US">Again appears to be<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p style="tab-stops: 137.0pt"><span style="FONT-FAMILY: 仿宋_GB2312; COLOR: black; FONT-SIZE: 10.5pt" lang="EN-US">An unsubstantial, faery place,<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p style="tab-stops: 137.0pt"><span style="FONT-FAMILY: 仿宋_GB2312; COLOR: black; FONT-SIZE: 10.5pt" lang="EN-US">That is fit home for thee! <o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p style="tab-stops: 137.0pt"><span style="COLOR: black; FONT-SIZE: 10.5pt; mso-fareast-font-family: 仿宋_GB2312" lang="EN-US">&nbsp;</span><span style="FONT-FAMILY: 仿宋_GB2312; COLOR: black; FONT-SIZE: 10.5pt" lang="EN-US"><o:p></o:p></span></p>

断脚狼 发表于 2015-1-11 23:25:00

<font size="4">小倩,菊花毒,谢谢二位捧场,其实我自己没觉得这首诗好,太浅了,太直了,思想太片面了,我希望二位能给点技术性意见。另一方面,我害怕真有信仰坚定的佛教徒基督徒跑来跟我争论,那我就得落荒而逃了。</font>

断脚狼 发表于 2015-1-11 23:41:00

<p><font size="4">&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; 关于音律美的问题,菊花毒以前就提到过,我也想过这个问题。你知道对于现代中国写诗的人,追求音律美是件多么艰难的事情?翻遍当下各种期刊各种论坛,具备音律美的现代诗几乎绝迹,偶尔有点巴企图来点韵律的,却多半是刚学写诗的新手,立意谈不上,意象和造句却全是拾人牙慧。我这样说不等于你的建议有问题,而是咱们的语言环境有问题,这个问题很难说的清楚。我以前也尝试过有点音律美的诗歌,比如《阿惹妞》《埃及的蓝》《北雁南飞的时候》《风中的卓玛雨中的羊》,但大多数诗歌还是没办法讲究音律的,不是不想,是我根本做不到。</font></p>
<p><font size="4"></font>&nbsp;</p>
<p><font size="4">&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; 有个还没见过的民谣歌手把《我想去西天》做成了歌,我听了下不满意。</font></p>
<p><font size="4">&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; 我自己满意点的诗,应该是96年写的《人间四季》和前年写的《赶一群猪上高原》,不像这首那么容易看懂,我更喜欢用比较含蓄或带寓言性质的东西,那样可以掩盖我自己思想上的苍白,这算不算狡猾呢?</font></p>

断脚狼 发表于 2015-1-11 23:45:00

&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; 我不会聊天,这话说得我有点心痛,你说的太准了。我现在很少跟人聊天,因为无话可说,有人说我像外星人,我自己都觉得像。

跃过山丘 发表于 2015-1-11 23:48:00

<p>我认为浅一点直一点的通俗一点的诗未必不好,<span class="lemmaTitleH1" jquery18003780365617379202="227" tangram_guid="TANGRAM__20">晦涩难懂</span>的诗却绝对不好。</p>
<p>十分同意菊花毒提倡的音律美、韵律美的建议,让口诵更顺畅更有美感一些。</p>
<p>&nbsp;</p>
<p>在几位老师面前班门弄斧,莫怪莫怪。</p>

断脚狼 发表于 2015-1-11 23:50:00

<font size="4">褚广建的文章我真没看过,哪天有空找来看看。诗论性文章现在不太爱看了,主要感觉是诗论与实际的诗歌写作太脱节了,希望褚广建能给我指点个出路。</font>

菊花毒 发表于 2015-1-12 01:05:00

嗯。很晚了,我简略的说明一下,手机码字蛮辛苦的。断狼,就你说的现代诗歌普遍缺少韵律,除了新手外,但其立意谈不上,意象和造句又往往拾人牙慧,我是深有同感,完全赞同!你概括批判得很精准。我也曾经走过这样幼稚的路,所以面对此情同情理解加无可如何呀,所以这几年我没有再写过什么诗了,知道自己可能不是这块料了。但你说这是我们现在的语言环境出了问题我就不能完全认同了。你这岂不是文学悲观论者的那一套文必秦汉诗必盛唐除明明德之外无书吗?只怕你误解了我的意思,我当然也知道诗论和诗创作有时候的确就是在自己的艺术规则里自言自语,所以不介绍丁福保等辑录的历代诗话等等,也不说戴望舒的诗论零札,何况有关现代诗歌的文艺理论我头脑里还真是一片空白呢。而且下午回帖之后我就马上回忆起你的一些有关家乡风土人情的小诗歌音韵感还依然留在我的印象里呢。我举出华兹华斯的例子除了欣赏英语中原始的韵律,也很想说明这种韵律是无法翻译的,你看作者牵强的沿用英语中的ab韵,结果是多么肤浅古板。所以韵律不在平仄也不在押韵的字眼上,而是一种自然流露的语感上,所以人们说汉人诗,质中有文,文中有质,浑然天成,绝无痕迹。我看了褚广建的讨论才知道实质和形式没有壁垒森严的界限,他说真正的艺术必能混化实质和形式的裂痕。另外,对于文字和语言的变迁也做出分析,让我明白了很多以前困惑的问题。说到语言环境问题,我倒觉得是现代的文字消费出了问题吧。。。你自认为好的诗歌我都没看过,若有时间不妨再贴出来分享一下嘛。

菊花毒 发表于 2015-1-12 01:25:00

三流兄,我不是这个意思。好的诗歌不一定是通俗易懂的,平衍浅切的也未必是好诗,浓妆淡抹各有胜境。艰深晦涩的诗不一定符合大众阅读口味,但因其在对抗传统阅读喜欢中提供了新鲜的艺术因素而往往成为引领新思潮的必然样式呢。更何况黄庭坚比苏轼的诗差吗?这恐怕就见仁见智了。另,多谢你在那边对我的祝福,我们早就有过交集呀,只是你忘了。你的帖子跟断狼一样正统专业,我一般也不敢随便发言。祝新年快乐!

南郭 发表于 2015-1-12 05:25:00

<p>天地不仁以万物为刍狗,圣人不仁以百姓为刍狗,自然规律存在万事万物中任凭其自生自灭。各种宗教虽种类繁多都是为了解惑授道,随着时代发展为了在残酷的世俗政权打压下生存下来逐步发展成为一种道德规范,经被念歪被利用的并不在少数。出世入世之争一直都在,是修身养性还是齐天下各有各自道理,也给了人类麻木自己逃避责任的心灵籍口。断脚狼此篇诗歌讲了一些人们一直回避的事实,因对文学始终一窍不通,没看出其在诗歌界的重要性,仅从中看出了狼先生的一颗救世之心。若圣人不仁能按自然规律办事以百姓为刍狗,顺应自然规律,则其必有大慈大悲之心。若真以万物为刍狗,愚民压民,纵观历史数千年,天道浩然。生于忧患死于安乐,只有宽容之心才能海纳百川。批评与自我批评,落到实处才能长治久安。从社会角度,目前某种程度的改革若想真正的落实到位,没有尖锐的批评和外界的监督约束是很难实现的,所以我觉得狼的文章正是起到了这个作用。从个人角度,潘多拉的盒子已然打开,没有了信仰的约束,贪恋名利者有之,消极避世者有之,飘洋出海者有之,“傻笨”如狼者也有之。非常不喜欢狼的本诗的结尾,即使当时那种情况下也依然有人性闪光的地方,作为诗歌来说除给人反思之外更要给人希望,这是我个人的看法。始终以为星星之火可以燎原,真善美如恶一样存于每个人的心中,在没有道德规范约束的时代,给我更多感动的反而是处于社会底层的大众,虽然他们有这么那么的明显的缺点,但他们却拥有更多的淳朴善良狼性还有希望,这恰恰是我自己所缺乏的。</p><!--EndFragment-->
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